Edy would have been 9 months old yesterday

I miss Edy... and no, there is no better "place" than a Mothers arms...... and "you will get to see her in heaven" is not a good thing to say to a Mother whose heart she shared with her child was ripped from her chest as her 1lb 10 oz baby breathed her last breath and was already cold and purple.She should ,have been with us today at the pool and scrunching her face up when I put her toes in the water. She should have had on the ruffled bikini I saw at Target and cried while telling CJ, "that is the ONE". I should have been fussing over if I put enough sunscreen on her! I'm sorry, just venting and wanted someone to read or even listen to what I was thinking. When will this torturous agony and nightmare end? People say, "it will get easier" ... all I want to know is WHEN THE HELL is that going to happen? I would have given my own life for my Edy to live.