Approaching one year since our sweet baby Edy Charlotte was born & died. The following are about 3% of the experiences I have had so far
1. Wake up
2. Feel and experience all of this
3. Go to sleep so I can do it all over again tomorrow
.... Sadness, heartbreak, silent suffering, loneliness, desperation, gallons of tears, increased compassion for some, decreased compassion for bratty adults, weight loss, weight gain, lack of energy, restlessness, anger, guilt, new appreciation of hummingbirds, 1,000's of unanswered questions, hope, love, cherished new and old friendships, tattoos, giggles, guilt for giggling, passion, determination, blank stares, crying when you pass the baby isle at the store, long chats with beautiful friends at Starbucks, medical bills you are still responsible for, expectations to be cheery and "over it" from 98% of people you come into contact with, eye rolling when people complain about their pregnancy or baby, and more hope.
Today, August 19th is a national day of Hope for all that have lost a baby..... there are many things I "hope" for- I hope someone doesn't say Everything happens for a reason to me again, I hope my husband and I can learn to adjust to our new normal (which I still hate), I hope no parents have to suffer like this, I hope Edy knew how much we loved her while she was here for 19 days.